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Post by whodovoodoo on Feb 8, 2008 11:50:24 GMT
Day X + 4
I find pacing is a very good way of getting rid of all the tension that seems to have built up. I'm feeling a bit...volatile. That's probably the best word for it, I'm hoping it's just emotional and not the radioactive kind. Feeling itchy, day three without the meds. Paul was easy to work today, he came in practically bristling with the urge to talk about his feelings. He went on about how great it was to have an Empath on 'site', I smile and nod, I'm not really feeling very 'empathic' right now. Apparently, in Paul's book, hanging around an empath is now like getting a free hug service. He's cool though, if a little 'his name is Robert Paulson'.
So I'm pacing, back and forth. Adam said this would happen, that feeling of being caged...
I'm being cautious because apparently (not that I had realised this until Adam had the foresight to point it out) there is a surveilance camera in here somewhere. I'm keeping my eye out for it...but any abilities I need to try out has to be under the cover of darkness, so I can't even test to see if being med free is doing me any favors.
Maybe I could break something, see if I heal? I asked Adam if he'd ever got so bored he offed himself for kicks? I don't know why, but I had the uncontrollable urge to do that myself last night...if the meds hadn't totally got out my system maybe I would do the world a favor and not wake up?
Adam said suicide was for cowards. I asked him if he'd ever been a coward. He said 'a long time ago'. I didn't ask anything else.
So pacing. I feel like a fish in a bowl, watched in on, nothing but four walls and without the luxury of a three second memory. Where the hell is Elle?
Face is prickly, the not shaving thing is always crap for the first day or two, being locked in a room with very little company definitely seems to be bringing out my narcisistic side. I do sit ups and press ups all afternoon, pace some more, press ups again, pace a bit. Then I finally break and plough my fist into the wall. It REALLY smarts. Won't be doing that again in a hurry. But I hear enough of a crunch to know I probably shattered my wrist. A bit of yelling followed, hopefully no one will come, and I retreat to my bunk to see if it heals.
Adam says something that should be too quiet to hear, something along the lines of 'sexual tension', I roll over in my bunk and try and ignore him. Two more days off the meds and I'm out of here. Two more days....Two more days....
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Post by whodovoodoo on Feb 9, 2008 17:31:44 GMT
Day x + 5
I spend most of the day on my bunk. Paul came in and even had the care to ask 'what's wrong' as he handed me the little plastic pot of Haitian pills...I toyed with them a little. He watched cautiously, I was drawing too much attention to them. I put them on the bunk. "Just lonely I guess," I say, "I miss my family, they think I'm dead...and I'm locked up in here." Paul doesn't say anything, just sort of waddles over and puts his arm around me, rubbing my back and saying all that nonsense about a 'cure'.
I nod, "It'll all be worth it in the end I guess," I say, pocketing the meds and making it look like I'm taking them.
I make like my wrist hurts, Paul checks it out. There's nothing the matter, "just a sprain" I say. "Too much exercising." I smile, but I know he's probably seen footage of my punching the wall. The bone took all night to heal, it hurt like hell, but at least I know, at least I know I can heal now.
I ask after Elle again, Paul gets cagey this time. "Look, I just want to know she's okay." I say, I guess I'm worried, more than I should if Adam's storeis are true. Paul tells me she's fine, I should get some rest. They're going to try out the cure on me in a few days he says, it's just a little injection, then everything will be okay.
He leaves.
And I worry. What if it really is a cure? What if in trying to escape I'm going to pass up my one cahnce to be free of this this this guilt...Adam asks me if I trust them. He asks if being a ginuea pig for this 'cure' is how I want to be remembered. It'll probably kill me, he says, or maybe worse. He could be right. I kinda don't know who to trust. I keep the pills in my pocket all afternoon, wondering if maybe I should take them after all, if escape is a good idea. Wouldn't it better to be free, free of this curse as well as this prison.
"You're fooling yourself Peter." Adam's voice comes through the grill. "Trust me. There is no cure for what we are. If there was..." He smiled, "I'd get offered it first."
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Post by thestral on Feb 9, 2008 22:23:24 GMT
Dear Diary,
For one I can't believe I called this book dear and another I can't believe I'm actually doing this. I decided that since I can't tell anyone much about me, what's happens, my past, my feelings... I could at least write it down. Although if anyone finds this I will have to kill them and since they have read this then they have been warned of that fatal consequences that await them.
*grins*
I could always burn the week's tidings couldn't I? I could do it in my head but that doesn't really allow for getting all that messy stuff out. So far I'm not feeling any better. Who said this works anyway? Again with the skeptisism. I do believe my younger brother told me that I should really stop that but what can you do when there's the threat of invasion hanging over you like a shroud? Live life to the full?
I certainly did that now didn't I?
Owen tried to kill himself. Well to be more accurate he jumped into a cage with a Weevil and decided to let the alien to it for him. It was quite horrible actually and scary. Yes... I do actually like Owen despite all his rough edges. So willing to through life away not realising how precious and delicate it is. What's the point of giving up when all you have is that to look forward too. I should go around warning people but then the'd ask me how I know. Don't I believe in God?
Should I really answer that.
Great. Owen Harper is glaring at me through the office window like I can't see him do that every two minutes. What did he expect? Honestly. RetCon? It's enough punishment that he's still alive since he was so willing to leave all this behind. It's not sunshine and daisies when you pop your clogs you know. Kick the bucket. Snuff it.
I should really be drinking that coffee Ianto brought in ten mintues ago.
....
Okay there I gulped it down. It was luke warm anyway but still as nice as always. *sighs* I have to actually go do some work now although it pains me to the core.
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Candice Wilmer
cerrrrazy person
Would you prefer the lie?
Posts: 2,495
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Post by Candice Wilmer on Feb 10, 2008 4:04:08 GMT
Oh, Adam...
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jocose
crazy axe murderer
I love a good plot and a good plotter!
Posts: 3,387
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Post by jocose on Feb 10, 2008 8:30:08 GMT
Dear Diary
Paperwork, the last refuge of the damned! I shouldnt be doing this- no I mean it, I really shouldnt be doing this. What I should be doing right now is lying on my autopsy table, waiting for the poor idiot who gets lumbered, to come and dispatch me to the freezer.
Yeh, well, okay, technically it wouldnt be my table anymore. but then again neither would all of this flamin form filling.
Look at him, Jack the lad, sitting there all pleased with himself, he saved a life, yipee lucky him! Meanwhile I get stuck with the consequences- I bet he manages to wriggle out of the reports as well, cocky son of a....
Whats even worse I cant even glance in anyones direction, if I do I get treated to this... inane grin. Owen Harper- bosom buddy, gawd help me!
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Candice Wilmer
cerrrrazy person
Would you prefer the lie?
Posts: 2,495
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Post by Candice Wilmer on Feb 10, 2008 11:05:24 GMT
Day whatever.
The project is almost done. Thank. God. If I have to play the whole...weepy whatever any longer, I'm going to kill something. Preferably something small and furry. Daddy's little girl is looking pretty shifty. I'm not sure if I should be interested, or if she's just running low on make up.
Went downstairs today. The stupid doctors gave me these...high and mighty dirty looks. I think I'll give them some nightmares they won't soon forget next time we meet. After all, if it wasn't for me, their pet project wouldn't even be alive. They probably would have carted him off to some morgue or something. Stupid people...they'd never even know what they had.
Right. So I was bored, and took the fifty cent tour. No, really, they have a toll booth. Bunch of losers, mostly. It was mostly boring. They were all...pacing and stuff. I think the new guy might be gay. He was all over Paul...and everyone knows Paul is so far in the closet he's about to fall into a winter wonderland.
Maybe they would have been less boring if they'd known I was there. But then, most of them probably haven't seen a real woman in so long they'd have a heart attack if they did. Fun as it would be, I don't need to hear a speech on top of everything else right now.
...I want a real assignment again. Mr. Thompson and Linderman would have me doing something important right now. Dumb, worthless Petrelli. Couldn't even follow orders right. Maybe they'll let me take care of him next.
*~C
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Post by gina on Feb 10, 2008 11:30:47 GMT
Dear Diary
Owen's glaring at everything that moves. We're all trying to be kind, but he's making it so difficult by being such a bloody... Rhys seems to have forgotten and has no left over effects of the retcon. I can't believe I retconned him, but I just needed to tell him, I needed him to forgive me. Sleeping with Owen had been eating me up ever since it happened. I just needed him to forgive me. I'd better get back to work, Jack's loaded us up with paperwork and I still have some left to do.
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Post by thestral on Feb 10, 2008 13:26:37 GMT
Dear Diary,
It has to be paperwork doesn't it? It just has to be! I hate paperwork. Oh I really should set a good example and actually finish it on time today instead of doing it in the middle of the night been I'm bored stiff with nothing else to do.
Well.... that's if I don't have company....
Right Harkness. Do the paperwork!
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jocose
crazy axe murderer
I love a good plot and a good plotter!
Posts: 3,387
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Post by jocose on Feb 10, 2008 14:00:40 GMT
Dear Diary I have the sudden urge to dissect something, have to make do with one of those backlogged samples one plod division or other keeps insisting on sending us.
I think they only send em to annoy us, the last one looked like the contents of someone bin, still on the plus side I got to use that nice new classified disease Torchwood form to send the report back on, definitely one of those rare times when my job seems really worth while.
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Post by whodovoodoo on Feb 10, 2008 18:00:23 GMT
Day x + 6
I watch the door patiently. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping: just today let it be Elle. I kinda want to say goodbye. I won't. She doesn't know that we're going to try and escape tonight, she can't know, it'll spoil everything. But it would be nice if I got to say 'hi' before we try and leave.
No sign of her, or of Paul.
I end up pacing again, more out of nervousness this time. I'm not wearing a watch, there's no clock on the wall. I have no idea what time it is but I'm acutely aware of the minutes ticking away. Adam keeps urging me to try and leave, it's Day five without the medication, but I'm eager to wait. He says it's too risky, that they could force me to take the meds this time, then we'd be back to square one. "You've waited thirty years, you can wait a few minutes more." I say, not telling him that I want the opportunity to say goodbye, Elle deserves that, she's sweet, she doesn't deserve to be run out on, abandoned, she's as much of a prisoner as I am...sort of.
So I watch the metaphorical clock, and I wait, to see if she comes.
**************************************************************************
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Candice Wilmer
cerrrrazy person
Would you prefer the lie?
Posts: 2,495
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Post by Candice Wilmer on Feb 10, 2008 18:13:41 GMT
oooohhmy. this new recruit? he's like, oliver or something. i was just sitting here bored and stuff sannd he offered to go out. i mean, hes not bad looking, kinda geeky and nice. it was fun, there was this great place in manhattan we went to. i Cannot believe i haven't gone there before. it was fun. we talked and stuff, too. he agrees about paul. -w---a---ds-- of course he agrees--everyone is knows it. he's new. have i said that already? yeah, well, he was properly impressed by my deal with sylar. -s-j--u--h--a- he should be, too. they all should ne. i should get a medal. everyone else thought he was dead and left him there, -h---s--a---- i dragged him aware and made it and now theyve got him and do i get a thank you? no. no one appreciates my talents here, its stupid. i should be foninh something, i can think of a few someONEs. but im not like that, not all preppy and stuff. oliver was fun, im going to go out with him again tuesday.
~<3
Oh my GOD I was drunk.
Oliver is never taking me out again.
Ever.
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Post by whodovoodoo on Feb 10, 2008 18:20:51 GMT
?
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Candice Wilmer
cerrrrazy person
Would you prefer the lie?
Posts: 2,495
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Post by Candice Wilmer on Feb 10, 2008 18:27:50 GMT
Ever read an LJ entry made when the writer is really smashed? They tend to go back and delete them when they're sober, but they're awesome
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Post by whodovoodoo on Feb 10, 2008 18:35:32 GMT
nope
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Candice Wilmer
cerrrrazy person
Would you prefer the lie?
Posts: 2,495
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Post by Candice Wilmer on Feb 10, 2008 18:39:41 GMT
:3 Ah yes, my friends tend to like to get on IM programs and LJ when they're drunk for some reason, lol. I figured since it's only like, 45 minutes from the launch, and I'll be out to breakfast when it starts, there might as well be a token drunk!entry...and Candice was random enough to do it, lol.
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